Minuscule Manicure

(Note: This was written last week in a fit of fevered dementia - I am not responsible for anything that I wrote)

I caught the flu Wednesday. I had a temp of 102 degrees and have been in bed ever since. I can't remember the thing about feeding a fever or starving a fever and feeding a cold but I haven't eaten any solid food in days.

My nights consist of coughing up little brownish green phlegm boogies and rolling around the bed trying to get comfortable. I drink plenty of fluids so every couple of hours I crawl to the bathroom to take a leak.

My days consist of watching TV for a couple of hours, sleeping, surfing the web, sneezing and wiping my nose on the bed sheets.

All of this sounds very normal and mundane, right? It is...... Except that I noticed today that I've been biting my nails. I bit them so much that they are just little tiny specks just above my cuticles. I look like a Tard.

You know how a Tard always has his fingernails super short? I think their mother does it so they don't hurt themselves. I think they probably get the "tard discount" for a quick "remove your fingernails manicure" and a "Bowl haircut" It probably cost mom about $5 bucks for both.

I don't really feel like a Tard, I just look like one. I need some eyeglasses, so I'm thinking about getting the Tard glasses as well. They're in fashion now.

I better get back to bed..... My brain hurts.