I swear, I'm not lying

My wife called me at work last week to tell me that my sons cell phone had gone through the wash. “Well, I said. “This is why we paid for the insurance” In fact we have been paying an extra $5.00 a month for the insurance for 9 months now. When you combine it with the $50 deductible it comes out “a wash” Ha, Ha…. A wash, get it?

Anyways, She started going through the process of filing a claim and was told by someone that water damage was not included. My solution was to claim it as “lost”. “Can we do that?….It wasn’t lost. That’s insurance fraud.” My wife stated.

Now, “Fraud” is a strong word, and it all depends on your interpretation of the word. Besides, Italians created insurance fraud and made a good living off of it. The usual justifications for this is something like:

The insurance company is loaded, or They screw people all the time, or Whadayoumean fraud? We take the phone for a walk and we lose it, see? No fraud!

So anyways, I get home and take his phone for a little walk. I drop it a few times, throw it against a tree, step on it, and finally run over it with my car. Then I shove it in some bushes for safe keeping.

Then I come home and tell my wife.

Wait a few days until the heat blows off and we will file a claim. So, I go to the phone store and fill out a form that says that I’m not filing a fraudulent claim, then another form that says that I’m not lying about the first form, and then I have to get the “lost item” form notarized.

If you don’t know what that means, It’s when you swear to a complete stranger that the statements you made were true.

(Now, stop for a moment….. Think about this……. If a person is going to lie on an insurance form, don’t you think they are going to lie to a complete stranger that sits behind a bank desk with a little stamp that says “NOTARY”?)

I realize that this blog post may be a confession of sorts, but if any of you blow me in, I’ll just tell them that I lied to make the story seem more interesting. And I’ll swear to it too!