Back by popular Demand - Sex Talk

I remember when I was a pre-pubescent youth of about 10 or so. My family used to have holiday parties at my grandmothers house (which was upstairs). My grandmother was an Italian immigrant who I don't think ever had sex. But she could swear really really well in broken English. Whenever she got pissed she'd get out the wooden spoon and chase me while calling me a Minga Fatch - or Prick Face.

I kind of liked that name until I found out what it meant years later. Anyways, I was saying that we used to have holiday parties upstairs in our double house. Most of my Aunts and Uncles from my mothers side would get together and drink some wine or mixed drinks, watch Guy Lombardo and talk about Sex.

The Sex they talked about was always a Double Entendre' or they tried to hide the fact that they were talking about sex. I used to record these conversations very concisely on paper or in my mind so I could decider what they were saying when I got old enough to know.

My Uncle John would start out by talking to his brother, Alphonse and say something like this:

Do you remember that girl you dated from the west side? What was her name?

Labia

That's right, Labia Clitatello She lived on Bush street, didn't she?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I remember her now.... Labia... She had the best lips I've ever seen. Did you ever kiss Labia's Lips Al?

(At this point my aunts would be hitting my uncles with the bread loaves and laughing like hyenas)

Labia, yeah she had nice lips, but she had a coupla nice friends too remember?

You mean, Lulu Palookas and her twin sister Yabbo?

They had those Big Brown Eyes, right?

Yeah, and they always had Milk Jugs hanging around the side of the house.

And her father used to have that fruit stand.

Oh, yeah, he would sell, Tomatoes, Papayas, Oranges, Mangoes, Melons, Peaches, Potatos, and Watermelons.

And Yams, don't forget about the Yams.

They lived in the Hills, right?

I thought they were mountains.