Minuscule Diogenes

The worst thing that can happen to a Man is castration. Not only does it leave him feeling as though he lost the best friend he has ever had, but also it makes him lose interest in life, makes him feel effeminate, weak, and worthless. Everything he's lived for is gone, and he bumbles on his way confused and bewildered.

When I was a boy of about 12, I asked my mother for a stick of chewing gum. She always carried Doublemint gum or Cinnamon and although it wasn’t my favorite, I didn’t want to go to the Smoke Shop down the street for chiclets.

Mom? Can I have a stick of gum?

Sure, Go in my purse and take a piece.

This sounded reasonable at the time. I know that my mother always had a lot of stuff in her purse and she would always take a piece of gum out of her purse on the way to church or a funeral or a wedding.

I tried to look down into her purse, but couldn’t see anything for it was too dark without a flashlight. So, I rummaged through, feeling around. I felt some keys, a little booklet, some lipstick, rouge, an eyelash curler, mascara, a hairnet, some nylons, a whistle, a curling iron, 40 or so credit cards, a checkbook, Rolaids, another set of keys, an S&H greenstamp book, a Woolworths receipt, grocery list, pair of scissors, about 16 dollars worth of coins, a bank calendar, 5 pens, a roll of tape, paperclips, and a writing pad, but I couldn’t find gum.

Everything in the purse had this Perfume / Peppermint mixed smell to it so I thought I was close to the gum everytime I pulled something out of it. The whole episode was horrible. I felt effeminate, weak, and alone and I blocked the entire episode out of my mind……

Until last night……….Yesterday, I asked my wife for some Tic Tacs.

Dear? Do you have any Tic Tacs?

Sure, Go in my purse and take some.

I don’t think so. I won’t go through that again, not for anything in the world! I’d rather be castrated!